in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize