It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
