he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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