you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
