Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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