I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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