he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
