i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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