I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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