This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
