see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
