People with herpes should wear stickers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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