I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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