Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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