Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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