had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
