uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
