dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
not ubering you a puppy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
