Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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