all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
