i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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