I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So many bounce houses so little time
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
