i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
