he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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