I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
