Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
