Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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