i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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