i just had sex bonerless
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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