Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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