OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
