doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
