I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
