I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
