I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
