I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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