yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
