Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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