I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
whose ass print is on the piano?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
