That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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