did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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