i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
