I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
