matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
