if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
