i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
