I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
