Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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