Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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