You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
