Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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