i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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