The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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