I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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