YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
