she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
