My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
