i need an iv and a liver transplant
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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