How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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