I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
