dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
