you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
