We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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