i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
