pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
