Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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