The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
