You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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