Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
