Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
