The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
