i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
