I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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