mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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