They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
