sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
