dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
too bad you live with your parents still
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
