they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
