And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
