i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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