I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
