i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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